Perspective
changes everything

Attachment & Relationships

Attachment:

• Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Amy Levine and Rachel Heller’s book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep– Love, particularly good for those who find themselves in a push-pull dynamic, also sometimes called a pursuer-distancer dynamic (available through the Toronto Public Library)

Conflict:

• Alan Fruzzetti’s book The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation, want to learn how to navigate conflict in a healthy way, this book is for you (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Want to understand why your partner pushes your buttons? Check out this article on The Vulnerability Cycle

Non-Monogamy, Polyamory:

• The Classic Books:
  More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (available through the Toronto Public Library)

  The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love (available through the Toronto Public Library)

  Opening up (available through the Toronto Public Library)

  Sex at Dawn (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Articles, Websites, Podcasts, newer publications etc:

  Article: There’s a dark side of polyamory that nobody talks about (I don’t think this is a good article title but the article is pretty good.)

  Podcast: Multiamory

  Zine: Love with out Emergency

  Book: Rewriting the Rules: An Integrative Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships by Meg-John Barker, it’s hard to go wrong with any of Meg-John’s writing, it’s all pretty fabulous.

  Book: Playing Monogamy

  Web Comic: Kimchi Cuddles By Tikva Wolf, this web comic explores real life stories and experiences in alternative relationships

  Book: Next Year, For Sure A Canadian novel about a long term couple opening their relationship

  Blog Post: Polyammering – The Honesty Exchange (Revisited)

Intimacy and Sexuality

• Esther Perel’s books Mating in Captivity (great for those who feel they are losing desire) and The State of Affairs (great for those struggling with infidelity) and her podcast Where Shall We Begin that lets you listen in to couples therapy sessions. (Her books are available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Emily Nagoski’s fabulous book Come As You Are (available through the Toronto Public Library) and check out the illustrated explanation of the dual control model of sexual desire or watch her ted talk

• The book The New Male Sexuality (available at the Toronto Public Library but only as reference, you can’t take it out)

• David Schnarch’s classic book The Passionate Marriage, good for those with decreasing or differing desire patterns (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Lori Brotto’s book Better Sex Through Mindfulness (especially good for anyone who identifies as a woman or who is partnered to someone who identifies as a woman, particularly good for those experiencing low libido) (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Podcast Queer Sex Ed

• Jack Morin’s book The Erotic Mind (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Excellent introductions to kink The New Bottoming Book and The New Book of Topping

Gender in all its Glorious Diversity

• Dara Hoffman-Fox’s excellent workbook You and Your Gender Identity  and they have a great youtube channel, including videos such as Why Does Transition Feel Like Going Through Adolescence Again?

• My New Gender Workbook: A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivity (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Gender Queer a graphic novel that explores one person’s journey with being nonbinary and asexual (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Headcase: LGBTQ Writers and Artists on Mental Health and Wellness This is a book of personal reflections by people with trans and queer identities on the intersection of mental wellness, illness, and LGBTQ identity.  (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• To My Trans Sisters (available through the Toronto Public Library) An inspirational collection of letters written by trans women for trans women.

• The 519 provides support groups, recreation opportunities and more

• Podcast: From the Vault a trans history podcast

• The Gender Spectrum Collection: Stock Photos Beyond the Binary a refreshing set of photos that show non-binary and trans folx in their lives

• Article: Being Nonbinary Has Nothing To Do With Looking Nonbinary

• Article: Neither male nor female: Why some nonbinary people are ‘microdosing’ hormones

• Article: 7 Ways To Support Someone Who’s Changing Their Name & Pronouns (Helping Families UnderstandTheir LGBTQ Kids)

• Article: A Non-Binary Perspective On Top Surgery

• Trans Bodies, Trans Selves (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Born on the Edge of Race and Gender: A Voice for Cultural Competency (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Canadian Resources for Trans and Gender Diverse people (see the section for Ontario): Trans PULSE Resource List

• Trans Love : An Anthology of Transgender and Non-Binary Voices. (available at the Toronto Public Library)

Resources for partners of people who are transitioning

• Book: Love, Always: Partners of Trans People on Intimacy, Challenge and Resilience

• Book: Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family  (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Book: The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People: Your Transition as Your Partner Transitions

• Book: The Trans Partner Handbook(available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Trans Partner Network

• Transgenderpartners.com

Bi+, Pan, Fluid, Omnisexual, Queer, Questioning, Unlabelled and other Non-Monosexual and Non-Monoromantic Folxs

• Feminist scientist Sari van Anders developed Sexual Configurations Theory and with illustrator Julia Scheele created the fabulous zine: Mapping Your Sexuality

• The Toronto Bisexual Network

• Stillbisexual.com a great site to hear a variety of bisexual experiences

• Lisa M. Diamond’s book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Bisexual.org blog

• The Bisexual Resource Centre, check out their reading recommendations

• Podcast The bicast

Self Care & Emotional Wellbeing

• Hell Yeah Self Care (pdf)

• Need a bit more self compassion? Check out Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Want suggestions for small ways to integrate mindfulness into your life? How to Train a Wild Elephant and other Adventures in Mindfulness by Jan Chozen offers many great ideas for just that. (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• The App Headspace, offers short meditations of all sorts and starts with a free introduction to mindfulness with excellent animated videos that walk you through starting a meditation practice

• Chris Germer has some lovely self compassion meditations

• UCLA offers free mindfulness meditations

Trauma and the Body

• If you are only going to read one book related to the impact of Trauma, I would recommend Janina Fisher’s book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• If reading long books about heavy subject matter is not your idea of a good time, check out this short graphic novel by Steve Haines, Trauma is Really Strange. If you like that one you may also want to check out: Anxiety is Really Strange and Pain is Really Strange. (Anxiety is Really Strange is available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Bessel van der Kolk’s book The Body Keeps The Score (available through the Toronto Public Library)

• Want to a simple way to talk about and understand when you are feeling too much energy (for instance having anxiety) or experiencing too little energy (like feeling depressed) check out this explanation of The Window of Tolerance.